Hi folks –
Just a note to say happy holidays and all the best in 2010…as for me, I am somewhat relieved that 2009 is waning to a close, since for me it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions and entrepreneurial angst. I learned a great deal about myself in the last year…I used to think I was a nice person, but I tell you, get into a close relationship with someone and you will really find out what you are made of. And it’s not always a pretty picture. Add to that the fact that the relationship is tenuously ‘common-law’ (although Steve himself refuses to even admit this, weird), throw in a cup of entrepreneurial woes with all of its financial hardship and steep learning curve, and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster. However, the plus side to all of this (some of which I, ahem, attribute to PMS, you know – ‘pack my stuff’) is that Steve is really a very patient person. He is wise, and smart, and generally calm, albeit somewhat ornery at times (in the true sense of the word, after all, he comes from a cowboy background where ornery is a much used buzz word, at least according to the spaghetti westerns out there, ha ha), but overall he is likely the glue that keeps us going. Perhaps I can credit some of his patience to the fact that a) he does NOT get PMS b) he is accustomed to female drama, after all, he was married for a number of years before meeting me, and they did raise a daughter. But more likely it is due to the fact that he is a Business Development Officer, so I suppose he has some familiarity with the woes of entrepreneurship. If at times it seems he doesn’t always get it, he hears it from me anyway – or should I say the whiny female five year old me – ‘but Steve, you work with new business owners all the time…you oughtta really GET me and my PAIN and my financial instability (the hardest part of entrepreneurship)…’ and he groans and rolls his eyes and responds ‘yes, I see it all the time.’ And that is the crux of the matter. No wonder he is a saint with me…but at the same time, I feel kind of badly about this…cause really who wants to come home to ‘their work’, in essence. But my guy is kind and patient and, well, I happen to think he’s pretty sexy (c’mon, the guy was a COWBOY, he rode the rodeo! You should see him with his three day beard, which I am hoping he’ll grow over Christmas, hee hee). If I could get him to be serious for one minute I would put him in the movies. Ha.
So yeah, 2009 was a killer in a lot of ways but I am still here, with some remnants of hope for the future remaining. I have survived eye surgeries, my son moving in with his Dad far, far away, a year living with two men (Steve’s son, Gordie, 16, who dwells in the cave below us and whom we rarely see in person, although he does emerge, pale-faced and white eyed on occasion) whose ideas of neatness and having things in order don’t equal mine, the constant freezing cold of this house in which I am living (I can have heat when I can pay for it, duh), sparring at karate (always afraid initially but oh God what a rush and it sure feels good in the end to get rid of some stress), sailing in the Tanzer for another season (yeah, scary too, at times), another summer of Highland Games (this time with a heavy camera and tripod in tow), the shooting of my Feature Doc, 1832 short film Dreamers (intense!!! awesome!!! a rush!!!), MANY technological issues and things to learn, my first ventures at editing (apart from Film School, which was a sparse dry run pretty much), AND I even hired out on a few shoots thanks to Higher Design, PLUS went to two International Film Festivals (Halifax and St. John’s), Grande Prairie to see Christopher and to wrap the shooting of the doc (and to see my ex-husband’s gorgeous home and be told that he is worth almost a million dollars now – and to ponder on the way home how financially tough it was raising our son alone…no Grad pictures, etc.) AND did two promo videos for clients, which is something I’d like to do more of, cause I think I have a pretty good eye. And it’s great camera and editing practice.
The year is winding to a close with the formation of a new union of PEI Film Folk, which I don’t think I’m at liberty to speak of yet, but I am praying that it helps me reach my goal of shooting feature films. Until I find some serious investors and / or experienced Producing mentors, that goal will remain elusive, as I am not comfortable asking for money, nor do I have the time or inclination to seek serious funds and balance them. But the new gang brings me hope. More about that in the future as we unravel plans and become public.
So that’s all for now, I am here, I have survived one more year as a new business owner, Dreamers is going to Sound Design in January, A Time To Drum (formerly Drummerboyz) will be edited in January / February, and May 2010 will see the debut of these first two post-film school projects. Oh, BTW, I also did a sweet piece on the tall ship Picton Castle, which CBC is looking at as we speak…would be sweet to sell it…at any rate, I love it and am proud of it. So LOTS to show in terms of learning my camera and editing software, and let’s just say that if I learn a quarter of what I learned in 2009, then 2010 will be a year of triumph.
And to all of you new entrepreneurs out there, let me also just say I hear you, you are not alone, there are others of us out there who wake each morning feeling anxious and worried, but that somehow the universe provides and our businesses build and we will survive. We are our own bosses and that is great reward. We just must persevere and get through the tough times.
Wishing you all your own kind, generous Steve to help you through it, and moments of great joy to carry you (like listening to your son’s music 🙂 )
Cheers and happy holidays –