By checking in, I mean to say that I feel like I’ve been checking in these days. Ok, this is going to sound a little ‘out there’, but some wise folks out there in the Universe believe that we have our lives all figured out before we get here. To earth, I mean. Yeah – I know. Weird. They say that when we have deja vu moments it is in fact us checking in to see that we are following along the paths we’ve chosen in that other realm. I dunno about that – sounds hokey to em – but then who’s to say that that’s not right? I mean, I feel that there are moments in life when I really truly feel like me. One example would be when on one of my little ‘sets’. Although sometimes I am nervous, but apparently so is Paul Gross! And he makes gazillion dollar movies so i would think he’d be past the nerves. But at any rate, there are also times when I don’t feel like me. I won’t go into those days, I’ll just acknowledge that they exist and that it’s likely we all have those days. But lately – I feel like I’ve been ‘checking in’.
I haven’t actually been having deja vus. It’s more like…I’ve been finding myself feeling more and more like the me I believe I am meant to be. And the universe is giving back. I suppose the biggest example is that my novel (unpublished, has been sitting on my computer since before film school) was chosen as a Finalist in the Atlantic Writing Awards. It’s under a pseudonym because it’s gone to a new jury apparently and they want to keep it anonymous, but it’s there! It’s like the coolest thing ever because I always envisioned myself as a writer. I have a number of screenplays to my name, too, just sitting on my computer cause I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe I should rewrite them as novels. Marlane O’Brien has one that she’s interested in, but it’s a gamble and a lot of hard work finding production companies to take these on. As for me producing them? I dunno…I used to think I wanted to, but maybe now I am outgrowing them. But we’ll see. In the meantime, a really sweet script came to me from Halifax – did I mention this in an earlier blog? Sorry, I’d go back and reread them but I really gotta edit today so this is meant to be a quick post – anyways, there are some cool people already attached to that project, and it’s an awesome poignant comedy, so we’ll see where it goes. Next step is to go over to Halifax and really have a heart to heart with the Writer and Producer to see if we share the same vision for the movie. I’ll keep you posted. Making a movie is a lot of work. I’d be a Producer, not Director on the project. In terms of my directing these days, well…I did post my little practice film I made in January – but there are a few mistakes in it. Just sayin. I need to go back and recut it (which is likely how the mistakes got there in the first place) – but overall it’s a funny little film. Nothing special, just practice with no money. So the enxt thing I need to do in terms of Directing I think is to make something really amazing, with money attached to up the production value. And the script has to be amazing too. So I am now on the lookout for that project. Wish me luck. Need to ‘wow’ some people and to really show what I can do.
Ok so last note about checking in – we had our little Island Media Arts Festival last weekend – it was a lot of fun. Thanks to Dave Ward and Mille Clarkes and Bill Harrington and of course Lennie MacPherson for all of your incredible hard work! It was fun being a part of the festival (I had three films in it) and ‘feeling’ like a filmmaker. At the same time, there’s always that feeling of intimidation when you watch some other films that you know are really great – one example is Harmony Wagner’s ‘VAST’ – just lovely. And she made it for no money too, mostly, so there’s a gal with talent (and a genuine nice person to boot). I am proud of Harmony and for all of the filmmakers in the festival! Makes you just want to keep on making films, and feeling like yourself. The who you are meant to be. For me, I dunno, maybe it’s a filmmaker, maybe it isn’t. I think what I really am is just a storyteller. I think that is what the universe could be trying to tell me.
At any rate, it’s been a fun month, and an exciting one at that. I’m thrilled about the novel, I never expected it, and it makes me genuinely happy to see that some of my hard work is starting to pay off.
Maybe I should get those screenplays off the computer and dust them off as well.
In the meantime, hang on to your dreams, people. Get your ‘art’ out there! And take note of those moments when you find yourself ‘checking in’. You could be trying to tell yourself something.